This is the greatest Shakespeare of all time.

What's up, guys?

Trolling the internet for awesomeness seems to be a deed and a desire that, like the sirens' call in Odyssey, I must listen to even while strapped to the mast of the ship, tearing and rending the ropes that hold me (thank you, thank you for your praise... As you can see, someone wemt to community college...)

And nothing, but nothing says badassery than a super short post with a video in it, eh? But of course. I agree.

I know that I alluded to this video earlier - if you remember my post about William Shatner -  but it had been awhile since I have actually seen this in its full majesty, so here is William Shatner performing William Shakespeare's Hamlet. Yes...

Just one word: Yes.

All of it is win. Pure and unadulterated win. Even the background laser-ish noises are winning.

Without much further ado (inside joke intended) here it is:

Society

What's up guys?

I'm experimenting with having a tremendous existential breakdown. It's interesting, but it seems to suck away a lot of time that I would use fighting crime, writing or surfing the interwebs for anything interesting or useful to relay to you all.

But, in that same existential vein, here's a video I found about why society - for a lack of a better term - sucks. If you stick through the awkward beginning laughs, many of the points he makes are actually pretty cogent and interesting. I'm normally not a fan of Craig Ferguson, but this little monologue is a good one.

Have fun and sleep tight.

Oh, also, I'll throw up a Louis C.K. bit that helps explain a little bit about society as well, in case you weren't convinced of whatever it is I'm trying to say.

The almost unbearable brutality of "Sonic the Hedgehog"

I spend a lot of my time doing stuff that helps me earn a living. I also spend a lot of my time playing video games and trying my best to beat inane, meaningless achievements in them so I can feel momentarily awesome and useful. Sonic the Hedgehog has been my latest quest, and I must say that as of yesterday, at 3:45 in the morning, I destroyed that game...

Well, I got all of the Xbox live arcade achievements for it, that is. Yes, a wonderful childhood game of mine was put up for sale and I got it, happily eager to relive my joyous childhood. Needless to say, after about twenty minutes of it, the game soured and poisoned everything I held dear to that game. Yes, I understand that to make the game more profitable/marketable you need to add these dumb "achievements" in there, but did you really have to make them for this game? Come on, guys.

Because this is the unbearable brutality you make us - the gamers who have these weird, OCD-esque qualities about our achievement scoring - do. You force us to perform, like a circus monkey,  ridiculous things that the original programmers of the game never would have imagined us doing. Who really needs to beat Sonic the Hedgehog in under forty minutes? Really?

But it doesn't matter, because I earned my 200 gamerscore and can now rest easy. Except that Xbox just likes to shit over all of these "perfect score" gamers and makes it so that as soon as you take a step in a video game you get an achievement so now you can't erase the game from your history and are FORCED to play such putrid games such as Fairytale Fights six times to get all of the achievements because your nephews came over one day and played Xbox when you were gone and brought their game to play and used your gamertag to play it...

But, whatever, I'm not bitter.

Rock-It Man

In the hallowed halls of awesomeness, there are three immovable, unchangeable statues dedicated to the patron saints of awesome. The three are, of course: Snake Plissken, the bad-ass ex-criminal from "Escape of New York" fame who influenced yet still surpasses all modern day bad-asses who dare to attempt to touch our hearts; Han Solo, the boyish and clever rouge who is the coolest guy not just on Earth, but in the whole fucking galaxy; and the last is William Shatner, the most awesome rouge of all who was the first and best captain of the Starship Enterprise.

The first two need no further introduction; let's take a moment and look at how baller Shatner is.

I don't know if you're familiar with it, but after Star Trek, William Shatner proceeded to embark on a "serious" acting career, often performing Shakespearean monologues on cassette tapes and records. He would also redo modern day songs in spoken word format in some of the most brilliant acting ever recorded on film; Al Pacino, Jimmy Stewart and Gary Cooper would do well to take some lessons from this man. 

Well, in case you don't believe me, check out this AMAZING clip of Shatner singing Elton John's "Rocket Man", which is the perfect epitome of his spoken song/Shakespearean era. He is in perfect form here - a tiger ready to pounce. His silky voice perfectly floats above the cacophonous din with sinewy ease. The special effects are amazing as well, boasting some of the most awe-inspiring effects that even George Lucas would salivate with jealousy.

And thus, without further ado, William Shatner sings "Rocket Man"... (by the way, Family Guy also parodied this, in case you thought that this looked familiar.)

Even though this is hilarious in its awfulness, I do give props to William Shatner for taking this whole "bad acting thing" in stride and then using it, like a Kung-Fu master, to his advantage, making a career out of it much in the same vein as Adam West. 

So, here's to you, Shatner! Enjoy your place in the hall of awesome. You deserve it.

What the Hell is this "Uncle Dolan" Madness?

As I am sure you are aware (unless you hail from Kansas, Arkansas, Arizona or the like) that evolution is in full swing in every aspect of life. Trees, opinions, crabs... Even Freudian thoughts are in constant evolutionary flux. But what about those things that we really care about? Do those things have to evolve?

The answer (and here there should be the feeling of a door hitting you in the face) is YES! Unfortunately. 

Why this diatribe? Well, for me, I love the internet meme of Rage Comics, and there has been an interesting offshoot, a revolution - an E-volution, if you will - in them. They are called, well, "Uncle Dolan Comics." 

For example, this is a Dolan comic:

What are they? Well, imagine Donald Duck is drawn like he has Downs, and then imagine that that drawing is done by someone who has one hand, and that hand has four broken fingers on it. Add some sexually perverse profanity and include some horrible grammar and misspellings and BOOM. Uncle Dolan. Originally, I believe that the characters were exclusively Disney ones, but it's not uncommon to see Loony Tunes characters interacting with Disney, and vice versa.

Personally, I don't mind the comics - in fact, I like them. I wouldn't say that I looooooove them, but they are entertaining once you "get" them. I also like the fact that they stretch the idea of what the English language is through the weird and unusual spellings in the comics. At first, I was drawn to the idea of Rage Comics because you could have an entire story with very nuanced feelings without words and with only images and agreed upon meanings of certain facial expressions. It was an awesome idea, and Dolan pushes that idea further by actually making the language itself weird.

Anyway, that's how I justify reading a Dolan comic that has him raping Goofy for the fourteenth time.

Go check 'em out.

Dolan on Know Your Meme:

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/dolan

I have horrible taste

Have you ever wondered what the hell "The narwhal bacons at midnight" means? What about this whole Kony 2012 thing (when it was actually relevant), or why there's these weird comics of Donald Duck roaming around the internet, or even what the hell this face is?

If the things you see on the internet leave you gasping for air, clutching for any remnant of humanity that you can find, well, chances are that you should probably get off the internet. But, if you're like me or any of the countless hard-heads that demand they understand anything they see, this website will be a live-saver for you.

It's called "Know Your Meme" and along with a pretty thorough encyclopedia of any and all internet phenomenon, it also has something called "Memebase", which, if you follow it and "get" it, will keep you up to date on every meme and internet practice out there to use on your unsuspecting and ignorant friends.

Be careful though: If you aren't careful, you could find yourself on Know Your Meme first, then branching out to Memebase, then moving on to the harder stuff like Reddit before you realize that you're in a basement lit only by the sparse glowing screen of your computer as you begin trolling on 4chan - happily and seriously typing in the phrase "da fuq u sey, newfag?"

Know Your Meme is the gateway drug, and don't worry about paying me; the first one's always free.

Here's the link:
http://knowyourmeme.com/

And the Memebase one:
http://memebase.com/

Don't forget to follow and comment. The "follow" button is at the top of the screen.