Tiger's Blood

Can you believe that it's been a year since Charlie Sheen's epic rantings graced our airways, finally lifting us up from the boring stink of the modern, politically correct media that constantly swirls around the world and gave us something interesting to hear?

And yes, the word "interesting" might be a very real understatement.

Whether or not he was trolling, I think now that some time has passed, we can look back on what he said with a little more clarity. (And, full disclosure, I love what Charlie Sheen did. In fact, I'm looking at my calendar I got for 2012 that is full of Charlie Sheen-isms as I type this out at two in the morning.)

Let's look at some of his most famous quotes *ahem*:

"I'm an F-18, bro."
"I got tiger blood."
"I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you'll die."
"I'm battle tested bayonets."
"Can't is the cancer of happen."
"I'm a high priestess-Vatican-warlock-assassin."
"Winning/I'm bi-winning; I win here, I win there, I win everywhere."
"Don't troll me, bro."
"I have one gear: Go!"


And these were just the ones I could remember off the top of my head. If you go to a website called http://livethesheendream.com and click on Charlie Sheen's head, you'll find hundreds of new sayings that I didn't even list!

Like I said before, I know it’s a little late to talk about Charlie Sheen, but holy Jesus was that man fantastic. In case you didn’t know, all of his sayings and quotes come from only, like, two interviews, and if you haven’t sat down and watched them, you need to because it’s like watching a man self destruct before your eyes; it’s like watching the Hindenburg fall into flames; it’s like watching a baby eating another baby while singing Metallica

I love Charlie Sheen because he’s done what no man in the history of the Universe has done; he had a great job, a great family, a good wife, and he woke up one day and said, “You know what? Fuck it”, and he basically just imploded and brought all of America with him for only one reason: Because he felt like it. He’s a damned trend-setter! He saw just how much of the world is BS and decided to say something about it. If we had more people like Charlie Sheen, the world would be a far better place... Maybe. God, that sounds awful now that I think about it...

But the most amazing thing to me is, if Charlie Sheen had pulled this shit 2,000 years ago, he’d probably be the prophet a new religion - legions of people would follow and die for him and interpret his words as gospel truth. That’s so beautiful to think about. Instead of these boring passages about how to build a wooden box to hold tablets for ninety pages, we instead would have conversations like, “What do you think the Prophet Sheen meant when he said he had tiger’s blood and Adonis DNA?”

“He was obviously the son of Adonis and was birthed by a virgin tiger mother.” 

“What exactly is a high priestess-Vatican-assassin-warlock?” 

“The Sheen works in mysterious ways.”

Mysterious ways, indeed.

By the way, this is one of my favorite video remixes of Sheen's rants, done by songify:

And here's the interview that started it all on the Alex Jones Show:

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